he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
