The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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