Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize