im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
