This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize