I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize