Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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