My nipple is on Facebook.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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