I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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