Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
