My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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