Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and she was petting her beer can
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
And then he peed in my hair
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