You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize