vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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