We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
