my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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