dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
