I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
