he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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