you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
a search helicopter?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
