it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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