You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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