I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
