Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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