I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
