nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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