His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
