Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
