Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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