I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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