I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
