Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
