One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
