All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
