I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
