sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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