I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize