Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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