best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
