Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
