i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
