She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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