im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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