the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
