HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
