ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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