the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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