Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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