when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
