turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
