using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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