dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
