Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
