it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
