Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
