Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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