just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Im part way to drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
