Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize