I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
