8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
