How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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