IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
