Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize