New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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