what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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