I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
