i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
