i was born a porn star she said
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
