So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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