I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
