Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
