overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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