If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
