??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
