Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
