Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
