try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
