woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
