I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
