just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
