just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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