how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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