I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
