My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
