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I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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