so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
