did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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