Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
