I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We are two peas in an std pod
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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