something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
