I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
