So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
