I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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