Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
