yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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