ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
