Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
PANTIES FOUND
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
