Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize