he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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