i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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