Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
