I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A bitchslap is in order.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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