Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
