how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
