I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
