i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
