do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
