He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
