Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
